It was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn’t think about my life at all.”
-Jonathan Safran Foer
Not gonna lie. I’m an over thinker. But I usually over analyze and think so much about life, the meaning of life, my purpose, and how I can better myself it’s annoying. I’ve been trying to find a freedom within myself to let go of the over thinking about life. And just live.
Not everything, or every moment or everyday has to be a magical epiphany of figuring out the meaning of life. Not everything just needs to go to the greater good or to bettering my mind, spirit, soul, or body. Sometimes I can just be. Be alive and marvel in the miracle that life is. Be inspired by my breath. My abilities. My heart beating yet again every second like clockwork.
I never considered before that my purpose is to merely live each day with the best of intentions, to the best of my abilities, to make myself and only myself proud, and have a full life without all the excess. Excess thoughts, material goods, expectations.
To be honest I’ve had a tough life and the fact that this second chance I’ve been given has been so much different. I’ve been gifted the ability to just LIVE. A freedom I never had. And maybe, just maybe that’s my purpose. To share my love for life. To find those souls, activities, books, exercises, and foods that truly point me into the direction of wholly loving my existence while I’m able to be here waking this planet. The one with water and oxygen and life. (And dogs)
I don’t have to overthink the fact that’s it’s a short life, because maybe it’s not, I need to live in the now, the moment, and find freedom in the fact that no, I don’t have the answers. And yes, the future is unknown. I believe life is exactly what I make of it. There are bigger things even than the meaning of life or my purpose. I think it’s not thinking so much about life. Not ruining the moments I do have left wondering and wishing I knew the outcome. The answer. Or that I can control things that are out of my control.
I know I try so hard to control my life because I’ve never once been in control of my physical health. I try to control the outcome. Which is ALWAYS shocking when it doesn’t work. But why? I think too much about being an example to others or the world perceiving me a certain way. All of those things are holding me hostage to the fact that I’m merely human. Maybe I don’t have a lot of control of what happens in my life. But I believe I can control my freedom in many aspects of it. How I respond to life.
Maybe some of the best days of my life are going to be the days I don’t ponder life so much. Or try to control everything around me out of fear of change or what have you. Like the quote says. Maybe I need to just find the freedom in living. Without all the information I really don’t need anyway. And truly be awed with this second life I’ve been gifted. Each new day. It’s truly overwhelming to have this incredible chance. And I know I can live truer, without the overthinking, without trying to know all the answers I’m not suppose to know just yet, to maybe live some of my best days of my life.
Maybe the meaning of life is to live yourself to death. Truly, unapologetically, awe inspiringly, live. Making big mistakes. Huge mistakes actually. Falling down a million times. But always, always getting back up. Until you can’t.
There I go again. I promise that’s my last guess, last assumption, last overthought about the meaning of life. I know I’ll never truly know. And if I do, I won’t be living this incredible life anymore. I’ll be somewhere and I’ll be something much, much different. Hopefully with my grandma. And although that sounds great too. This is what I want right now. Until I don’t get this chance anymore.