For the longest time, my motto was: “keep your head down, don’t get too invested in anything, too attached, don’t try too hard, it won’t last anyway.” Because my disease took everything from me.
Today it’s literally the opposite. It took me many years to change my mindset, all while having these new lungs. But it’s amazing what I have accomplished this past year alone. I have built a foundation of believing in myself and my time here on earth. I believe I have enough time. I love everything I come across, everything I GET to do. I’m putting my all into everything I do and try, while I can. Because every day counts.
I’m planning again. For tomorrow, next week, a future whether or not it’s available to me doesn’t matter. I have hope. I know that I have taken the route of fear much of my life for fear of the letdown. So it’s all new territory for me to believe. But the letdown is not even in my mindset anymore. Because I know I can handle whatever the outcome.
Sometimes I think you just have to live like there’s only the possibility of good. Like you’ve got this even if something does go bad. Like you know you can handle whatever life throws at you, you’ve been through a lot, probably through it all, and yet you’re still here, on the other side. Fighting for life. You’ve climbed the mountain and seen the view from the top, like I have, but you might have had to do that many, many times over. And you may have to climb it over and over again still, but trust me, you’ve got that too.
I’ve never felt like this in my entire life. I’ve always planned for the worse, because the worse has always happened. I’d gotten sick before something important, missed out on something big, needed new lungs, needed a surgery, lost a friend or loved one, and I’d always wallow around not getting involved in anything for the long haul, not getting anything done or accomplishing anything great. I’d always think before I fell in love with someone or something because I could just imagine it being taken away from me, or me from it, like everything else was taken away from me my entire life. I think it’s time to change that mindset. It’s time to believe. There is still a glimmer of hope and if you can find it you are the lucky ones. It’s worth fighting for, believe me.
I’ve found my glimmer of hope. I’m so excited for tomorrow every night that I can’t even sleep sometimes. Like it’s Christmas but it’s not, it’s just tomorrow. I’m just excited for life, another day, my workout and being with my family, friends, and dogs. Even with the fear of covid in the back of my mind, and it’s been a rough few years, but I’m still trying to stay optimistic with my health, my training, and my love of life.
The ending of my book was very powerful for me to write. Knowing it can change at any moment keeps me in love with the life I currently have while I am privileged enough to live it. I’m feeling like I can accomplish my wildest dreams, one of which is publishing this book. Thank you for your interest in me and for your continued support. I have a very interesting post coming up next Saturday. One I had an interesting time writing and I think you will be surprised that I am sharing it. I am also going to post a fun, positive, just for fun post sometimes mid-week like every other week for something different, lighter. Until then! Keep your head up and keep your eye out for that glimmer of hope in your life. And always, always believe.