Today, I am thankful for forgiveness. Not just the forgiveness that we give others but mostly that we give ourselves. I have had so many tough times in my life and times that I would constantly dread until I was finally able to forgive myself for them. It wasn’t easy. It was a long process. But today I realized that it was everything I didn’t know how much I needed. And that I should’ve tried harder and had more patience and compassion for myself, the same patience and compassion that I would have for others. Why am I always so hard on myself?
The hardest thing to forgive myself for was definitely the embarrassment I caused myself in front of the people that I loved. I just couldn’t shake it. The dread, fear, embarrassment, everytime I would think about the events that later shaped my life. I just couldn’t forget, couldn’t move one. I couldn’t forgive myself for what I did, for what happened to me. It seemed inexcusable, preventable, even though I don’t think that it was.
Now I know better. And I can forgive myself, for everything. I have the compassion and patience for myself, the same that I would offer a good friend. Why should I be any different. I was not meant to live my new life in dread, fear, and embarrassment. It all had to come to an end at some point and I am glad that I didn’t wait to forgive myself until it was too late. Now I can truly live, unrestrained, and forgive the others in my life that I was holding a grudge with, only because I was able to move on from my own trauma and drama.
I am just so grateful that I have been given so much time with these new lungs to reflect and truly live the life of my dreams, a life that I am proud of. I still have moments of fear, dread, and embarrassment, but I can quickly forgive myself with that patience and compassion that I have learned. Instead of wallowing in the trauma and drama that I did for far too long. What can you forgive yourself for today. Don’t wait until it’s too late.