It is a bit weird knowing I have someone else’s lungs inside my chest cavity breathing for me and keeping me alive. It’s like life support but an inside job. I am not running on all original parts. Someone else’s lungs are keeping me alive. I’m not still alive on my own. No machines just nature, but someone else used these to breathe with too. After those incredible doctors made them work for me they have been pumping ever since. So grateful!
Sometimes I do feel like I’m living for two. Trying to make the most and experience a lot but still stay true to myself and my wishes. Life’s not a show. And it’s for sure not meant to be lived non stop. I like to relax and rest as much I like to go go go.
Sometimes since I feel like I’m living for two I have a hard time relaxing knowing or thinking I’m wasting precious time. Since my time is also still limited or so we believe and I’m trying to make up for 21 years of not being able to breathe as well, which I know I need to let go of someday.
Being able to breathe is just amazing. My lung functions now are about 50% but it has happened gradually over the past 10 years like it did the first time, so I don’t notice it all that much. It is a bit scary to get out of breath with exercise but I’m still at a point where I can just stop and I catch it quick. Unlike before where I was trapped in a oxygen lacking nightmare of suffocation even with supplemental oxygen. I know I’m not ready for that again but let’s be honest it could be any day now. Just like before. Every moment counts, always remember that, and it’s up to me to live each moment the best way I know how! One breath at a time. Honoring my donor along the way for this second chance that they made possible.