For years I struggled to find the words to thank my donor’s family for such a precious and irreplaceable gift. As well as express my sorrow for their loss. After 12 letters, and many, many more drafts, I finally summed up what I thought was the best letter I had written, although no words can truly express my gratitude, I hope I was able to express my sincerest condolences. I hope this letter finds them well someday.
An Open Letter to my Donors Family: (I hope this finds you well)
I realize there is no ideal time to receive this letter. I have wanted to extend my thoughts, sincere condolences and unconditional gratitude for some time. Yet no words have the ability to express my feelings and deepest appreciation for this gift you have shared with me. I am heartbroken for your loss and hope that my words may provide you with solace.
Every morning I hope to wake to the light of a new day, and every night, to see the stars shine through the sky, knowing that it’s not promised. Life is much more extravagant than we could possibly imagine and we are all just a tiny piece of it, sometimes never knowing how we’ll fit in. We are rarely given explanations for life’s events, good or bad. Many times we crave reasons we’ll probably never understand. More often than not there are no words, yet silence rarely brings peace. Every situation is so unique, but the fact that we are given the choice to handle them entirely in our own way is what makes life so precious, fragile. Why we shouldn’t, but sometimes do, take it for granted.
There are events in life we could never be prepared for, even if we once thought we could. We all come upon unknown experiences, uncertainty, and create expectations in our minds, while some more significant than others, we all have concepts of how we think life should pan out. We hold onto these ideas, along with things we never once imagined happening. Yet they do. Most circumstances we cannot change, we have zero control over, no matter how strong our desire is to go back and change it. The past is gone. After all, here we are, left clinging only to memories, some of the most important things we’ll ever have.
We are often forced to pick up and move on from where we were left. Where we were hurt, broken, or amidst our deepest sorrow. We have to try and remember that the sun will always bring us a new day, and the stars will attempt to offer peace each night. Hopefully, we can rest, looking back at the expectations we have of life and realize that they aren’t the deciding factor or final call. We must learn to adapt, life happens with or without us. It’s unexpected, incredible, overwhelming, but always beautiful, if only one chooses to see it. The truth is, we really are just a grain of sand on this beach, all under the same sky and not all that much different from one another.
My name is Christina, I had a double lung transplant just over two years ago. Just weeks after my surgery I was able to celebrate my 22nd birthday. Prior to my transplant I attended school and worked as a web and graphics designer as my health allowed. I cannot begin to explain how grateful I am for the decision you made amidst your heartache, which ultimately led to my life being saved. For that I am forever indebted to you and yours.
I have yet to find words to convey how sincerely thankful I am for this second chance you have graciously given with me. It’s indescribable. I, along with my younger brother, was born with Cystic Fibrosis. A genetically inherited disease that ultimately causes lung failure. Throughout our lives we were subject to hours of daily treatments, IV and inhaled antibiotics and medications, oxygen, surgeries, and hospital stays. Only to watch our health rapidly decline.
We constantly fought to lead normal lives despite the disease and our shorter than normal life expectancy, which proved increasingly difficult as our health disintegrated. I, because of your selfless decision, miraculously woke up from surgery with lungs that worked, without chronic infection and thick mucus buildup. An ability I had never known. A lung transplant, something not guaranteed, but crucial for survival for anyone with end stage CF, is only considered as the last possible treatment option. Most CF patients and their families dread that talk; although it’s inevitable, it’s a lot like losing a lifelong battle to the disease.
A year ago, my brother passed away. My family had not known such sadness. I’ve been reluctant to write this for fear of stirring up mixed emotions. I can’t say I know how you feel or have felt throughout your tragedy, but I do know how I feel and have felt through mine. Losing a loved one, one of the closest loved ones I’ve ever had. No one, under any circumstance, should have to endure that.
Lung transplantation comes with its own struggles, but nothing compares to knowing a family lost a loved one, and that it is the only reason I am alive today. It is especially bittersweet, for lack of a better word, that one person and their family made a decision in a time of unfathomable heartache, and I received a second chance at life. I’m aching for the perfect words but, at the same time, I’m speechless. I am trying my best to make the most of this opportunity, staying active, spending time with friends, family, and living life to its fullest. Doing things my lungs would have never allowed. I enjoy being active, my favorites include snowboarding, biking, dancing, and hiking, many things that were not possible for years prior to receiving this priceless gift.
Before my surgery, I was entirely aware that the only reason I would live to see another day would be because one person, along with their family, decided to give their organs to another in the event of the unthinkable. It is not fair, I constantly wished it could have been different. Even though I had been sick my entire life I wished I never needed a transplant and that no one had passed away. Although I knew it was all out of my control, and I wasn’t the one to decide. I know that I could have been the one taken from this earth, but for some reason I am the one who stayed. Even if I wanted answers, I know it’s way beyond my comprehension. I am incredibly blessed, thankful and overwhelmed for this opportunity that my donor has allowed me. I am now able to wake up each morning breathing unobstructed while free of many treatments my days were once full of. Before my surgery I sat on the couch with oxygen for the majority of the day, barely able to make it twenty feet to the bathroom, now comparatively to finishing a half marathon. There are no words for that.
I will be forever grateful for my donor, their family and this gift of life I am so undeserving of and yet so fortunate to have. I know I will always remain sincerely thankful for the kindness of a person and their family who so courageously shared these lungs with me on the most tragic day of their lives, so that I have the chance to live another day with those I love. For you, my love has no bounds, and I am forever indebted to your compassion and love. I hope every day to be proud of how I live my life.
Sincerely,
Olinger, Christina
Lung Transplant Recipient